How to Lose Friends and Embrace it Without actually Dying!

Here’s a fun scenario for you: imagine you have spent seven years being friends with someone. You have laughed, shared secrets and fought over silly things and thought they’d stick around for the long haul. Then one fine day, they vanish- not because of some epic fallout or a scandal involving a pet iguana- just because they decided you were, well, inconvenient. No explanations, no goodbyes. Just a digital ghosting session on every possible social platform.

Fun, right?

Spoiler: It wasn’t. It was messy, painful and utterly confusing. But let’s rewind a bit, back to where things started going downhill, or, rather where I realized, I was standing on a hill made of emotional rabble.

When Your Friends Morphs into Critics:

There I was, in what could only be described as an existential thunderstorm. You know those phases where every tiny things feels like a life-or-death situation? Someone ignore your messages and suddenly you are contemplating the meaning of human connection. Well, I was there feeling too much and thinking way too hard. So, naturally, I did what anyone in emotional turmoil do – I turned to my friends. Except instead of comfort, I got…logic. Cold, clinical, robotic logic, ” You are mature enough just focus on your career.” Cue the internal screaming. All of them are taking turns to psychoanalyze my already frazzled brain. The cherry on top? One of them was someone I trusted deeply, I once thought she was the kind of a person who’d listen without judgement. But when I approached her, she responded with something along the lines of, ” I never thought of myself that way. What about my issues?”.

Ah yes, the classic ” what about me” retort when you are on the verge of emotional breakdown. Then came the “piece de resistance”, there was no fight , no argument about pineapple pizza, nothing. Just silence. Spoiler: someone I’d been close to for years decided to block me.

Months later, in a twist worthy of a low-budget soap opera, I stumbled upon a conversation where she casually admitted, ” oh I blocked her because I was in a mood to remove anyone annoying.” Just like that, seven years of friendship, reduced to a mood swing.

Philosophical Reflection: Why people leave without a Reason?

It is tempting that every relationship has a clear beginning, middle and the end. But in reality, relationships, especially friendships- are more like unpredictable weather patterns. One day you are basking in the warmth of connection, and the next , you are caught in a sudden storm of indifference. People often leave, not because you did something wrong, but because they are navigating their own internal chaos. May be they had grown in a difference direction. or may be they are running from something they can’t name. the irony? We crave permanence in a world that thrives on change.

“You can not step into the same river twice”

-Heraclitus

Every thing flows, everything changes- including the people we love, Sometimes , they drift away without warning, leaving us to wrestle with the emptiness they leave behind. Just like: The Illusion of Time: Chasing the world of fleeting moments.

Why Emotional Pain Feels like a Punch?

Now, here’s where things get interesting. Emotional pain is not just something you “get over” by binge-watching a few feel-good movies or eating a questionable amount of ice-cream. Turns out, your brain processes emotional pain in much the same way it processes physical pain.

Here is the science a bit:

Amygdala: The tiny almond-shaped blob in your brain responsible for emotions goes into overdrive during the betrayal, making everything feel ten times worse.

Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC): This little guy processes both physical and emotional pain, which is why a heartbreak can literally hurt.

Cortisol and Adrenaline: Your body floods with stress hormones prepping you for a flight, fight or freeze response. Except you are not fighting a lion – you are trying to understand why your friend ghosted you. Spoiler (last one, I promise): your body does not care.

This is why your chest might feel tighten, your heart race or your muscle tense up. Emotional pain is real and your body treats it like a full-on emergency.

On Closure- The Myth of Perfect Ending:

It is a nice idea, but it rarely happens the way we want. In a perfect world, we’d get heartfelt apologies, honest explanations and a neat little bow on a messy package that is human relationships. But reality? Reality is more like, ” I blocked you because you were mildly annoying, lol!” The truth is closure is not something you get from others. It’s something you create for yourself. It’s something you create for yourself. It’s deciding that you don’t need anyone else to validate your pain or your healing. It is realizing that sometimes, people leave not because you did something wrong, but because they were never meant to stay.

In his book ” The Road to Character” David Brooks writes about the difference between “resume virtues” and “eulogy virtues”, on the other hand are the traits people remember for you- like kindness, courage and the ability to love deeply. This whole experience made me realize that while “resume virtues” are important, its the eulogy virtues that truly shapes our lives. Why people leave, it is not our productivity they remember, it’s how we made them feel. And if someone chooses to leave despite your kindness, that says more about them than it does about you.

Rebuilding: The Art of not loosing Yourself:

So? what do you do after emotional chaos? How do you pick up the pieces without turning into a bitter, cynical husk of your former self? Here’s what worked for me:

1. Set boundaries like your life depends on it: Boundaries are not about being rude- they are about protecting your peace. If someone consistently dismisses your feelings, it is okay to step back. You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your emotions.
2. Be selective about Who Gets to Hears Your Story: Vulnerability is a superpower, but only when shared with the right people. Not everyone deserves to hear your innermost thoughts. Choose wisely.
3. Find Closure in Yourself: Stop waiting for people to apologize or explain. They might never do it and that’s okay. Closure is deciding that your peace matters more then their indifference.
4. Laugh at the Absurdity of it All: Honestly, some of the best healings comes from realizing how absurd life can be. People will block you for no reason, friends will turn into critics, and you will cry over things that won’t matters in five years. Laugh at the absurdity, because sometimes that’s all you can do.

If there is one thing I have learned, it’s this: you are your own best friend. People will come and go, moods will shift, and friendships will end. But at the end of the day, you have yourself- and that’s enough. After all, life is less about who stays and more about who you become after they leave. So here’s t losing friends, finding yourself and becoming someone who does not need closure- because you already have it.